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Informed choices, honest conversations and care that keeps your voice at the heart of every decision
Your Pregnancy, Your Birth, Your Choices
Pregnancy comes with a lot of decisions.
Some are small. Some feel enormous. And sometimes you can find yourself sitting in an appointment, taking in lots of information and wondering what you're actually supposed to do with it all.
One of the things I feel really strongly about as a midwife is that you should feel part of the decisions being made about your pregnancy, your birth and your care.
Not because you're expected to know everything.
But because it's your body, your baby and your experience.
And your voice matters.
You don't have to know all the answers
Being informed doesn't mean becoming an expert in pregnancy and birth.
That's my job, not yours.
You shouldn't need to spend hours researching medical terminology or trying to work out what a piece of guidance means before you're allowed to have an opinion about your own care.
My role is to help you understand what's being discussed in a way that actually makes sense.
Sometimes that might mean explaining something once.
Sometimes it might mean going over it again.
And sometimes you might go away, have a think, come back with more questions and want to talk about it all over again.
That's absolutely fine.
There are no silly questions. If something matters to you, it matters to me too.
You're allowed to ask why
If something is being recommended during your pregnancy or birth, you're allowed to understand why.
Why is this being suggested?
What are the benefits?
Are there any risks?
Are there other options?
What happens if I wait?
Do I need to decide today?
These aren't awkward questions.
They're good questions.
You should never feel embarrassed about wanting to understand something before making a decision about your care.
And you don't have to worry about asking too many questions with me. I'd much rather we spend the time talking something through properly than have you go away feeling unsure or wishing you'd asked more.
You're allowed to need time
Sometimes maternity care can feel very fast.
Information is given, a recommendation is made and suddenly it can feel as though a decision needs to follow immediately.
Sometimes it does.
But often there is time.
Time to ask another question.
Time to think.
Time to speak to your partner.
Time to go away and let everything settle before deciding what feels right for you.
Part of informed choice is understanding when something genuinely is urgent and when you have space to consider your options.
And when that space exists, I want you to feel comfortable using it.
You can say, "I don't understand"
I think this one is really important.
You don't have to nod because everybody else in the room seems to understand what's being said.
You don't have to pretend something makes sense when it doesn't.
And you certainly don't need to feel embarrassed about asking for something to be explained differently.
Medical language can make relatively simple conversations feel complicated very quickly.
If you don't understand something, tell me.
We'll slow it down.
We'll talk about it in ordinary language.
And we'll keep talking until you feel you've got the information you need.
Having preferences doesn't make you difficult
I wish more women knew this.
Asking questions doesn't make you difficult.
Wanting to understand your options doesn't make you difficult.
Having preferences about your care doesn't make you difficult.
And saying that something doesn't feel right for you doesn't make you difficult either.
You are allowed to have a voice in the room.
You are allowed to say what matters to you.
You are allowed to ask whether there's another option.
Good maternity care should include you in the conversation, not leave you feeling as though the conversation is happening around you.
You are allowed to change your mind
The decision you make today doesn't necessarily have to be the decision you make in four weeks' time.
Pregnancy changes.
Circumstances change.
Information changes.
And sometimes you change too.
You might learn something new.
You might feel differently as your pregnancy progresses.
Something you thought was incredibly important at the beginning might matter less later on, or something you hadn't really thought about might suddenly become very important to you.
Changing your mind isn't failing to stick to a plan.
It's simply making a decision based on where you are now.
When baby has different ideas
Sometimes the conversations we have are a little more difficult.
Things may be changing, new information might have come to light, or the birth you had hoped and planned for might suddenly need to be reconsidered. Conversations about induction of labour or a caesarean birth may become part of the picture too.
Nobody can promise you the birth you want, and I would never pretend that I can. We can plan for your birth, prepare for it and do everything we can to support your wishes, but birth can sometimes take us in a different direction.
And actually, those are the moments when informed choice matters most.
When things change, you still deserve to understand what is happening and why. You still deserve to know what your options are, to ask questions and, whenever there is time to do so, to have space to think.
A change in circumstances shouldn't mean that your voice suddenly disappears from the conversation.
The plan might change, but you should still feel part of the decisions being made along the way.
And sometimes, having a midwife beside you who already knows what mattered to you in the first place can make those more difficult conversations feel a little less overwhelming.
It's okay not to have a strong preference
Informed choice doesn't mean you have to have an opinion about absolutely everything.
Sometimes you'll look at your options and know immediately what you want.
Other times you might genuinely feel comfortable following a recommendation.
And sometimes you might simply look at me and say, "What do you think?"
That's okay too.
You can ask for my professional opinion. You can ask me what the evidence says. You can ask me to help you make sense of everything you've been told.
You can be informed and still want guidance.
That's part of having a midwife.
My job isn't to make your choices for you
Being your midwife doesn't mean deciding what you should do.
It means being someone you can talk to honestly.
Someone you can ask the question that suddenly pops into your head two days after we've seen each other.
Someone who will tell you when I think something is important and explain why.
Someone who will listen when you tell me what matters to you.
And someone who understands that good support isn't about getting you to make the choice I would make.
It's about helping you make yours.
Sometimes you'll know exactly what you want.
Sometimes you'll want to talk it through three times.
Sometimes you'll change your mind.
And sometimes you'll simply need somebody beside you saying, "Let's go through it together."
That's what I'm here for.
Your care should feel like it belongs to you
More than anything, I want you to look back on your pregnancy and birth knowing that you were part of the decisions that shaped it.
That you were listened to.
That you understood your options.
That you felt comfortable asking questions.
That you never felt silly for wanting something explained again.
And that the decisions you made were genuinely yours.
You don't need to know everything.
You don't need to have everything decided from the beginning.
And you don't need to get every decision "right".
You just deserve the time, information, guidance and support to make the choices that feel right for you.
Your pregnancy. Your birth. Your choices.
And I'll be right there to help you navigate them.
If you would like to feel more informed, more involved and more confident in the choices you make throughout your pregnancy and birth, get in touch. We can have a chat about what matters to you and how I can support you along the way.