With Woman: What Relationship-Led Midwifery Care Means to Me

There’s a meaning behind the word midwife that I’ve always loved: with woman.

For me, that is the heart of midwifery.

Of course, there is the clinical side of what I do. The observations, the assessments, the knowledge and experience that keep care safe. But some of the most meaningful parts of my job are not things you can measure or write in a set of notes.

They are in the relationships I build.

I love getting to know the women and families I care for. Not just knowing their pregnancy history or what’s written in their maternity notes, but knowing them. What makes them feel safe. What they’re worried about. What matters to them. When they need information, when they need reassurance, and sometimes when they just need somebody to listen.

That relationship changes the way care feels.

I believe deeply in holistic, relationship-led midwifery care. To me, that means caring for the whole woman, not just focusing on the clinical aspects of pregnancy and birth. Physical health is incredibly important, but so is emotional wellbeing. So are my clients previous experiences, family life, fears, expectations, personal circumstances and the things that matter most to them. All of those things can shape how someone experiences pregnancy, birth and the postnatal period, and I believe they deserve to be part of the care I provide.

I also think warmth belongs in professional care too. So does respect. Every woman deserves to feel heard, valued and respected in the decisions she makes about her own care.

I also naturally bring a lot of positivity to the way I work. Not the kind that dismisses worries or pretends everything will always go exactly to plan, but a genuine sense of encouragement and belief in the women I care for.

I want women to feel supported and confident, to recognise their own strength, and to know that I am there beside them to support them, advocate for them and help make their pregnancy, birth and postnatal experience feel as positive and empowering as possible.

And somewhere amongst all of that, we get to know each other.

There can be cups of tea and hilarious conversations. You’ll probably learn things about me and my family, just as I’ll learn about you and yours. We talk about pregnancy and birth, of course, but we also talk about life. We laugh, we chat, and over time a genuine relationship develops.

That is one of the things I value most about this way of working. There is a closeness that can grow when you care for someone throughout such an important time in their life. It can have the ease and warmth of a friendship, while still being grounded in the trust and responsibility that comes with being your midwife.

So when something does need a more serious conversation, we already know each other. You know how I communicate, you know that I will be honest with you, and I understand what matters to you. That relationship is not separate from the care I provide. For me, it is an important part of it.

Continuity is a huge part of building our relationship. There is a familiarity and trust that develops naturally as we spend time together throughout your pregnancy. By the time birth comes around, I’m not walking beside you as a stranger. We already know each other on a deeper, more trustworthy level.

For a home birth, I will always work alongside another midwife. That midwife will be someone I know and trust, both professionally and personally. I work with a small circle of experienced midwives who share my values and have a very similar approach to women, birth, safety and informed choice.

I choose the midwives I work alongside very carefully. It is important to me that you feel the same warmth, respect and consistency from both of us, and that the midwife joining us understands and respects the relationship and trust we have built throughout your pregnancy.

Ultimately, one of the greatest privileges of being a midwife is being invited into such a significant chapter of someone’s life.

For me, the real joy of midwifery comes from the relationships I build with women and their families. I get to walk alongside someone through pregnancy, support them as they prepare for birth, be there during some incredibly important moments, and then continue caring for them as they find their feet with their new baby.

There is something incredibly special about getting to know a woman over that time and seeing the trust between us grow. It is one of the reasons I love providing this kind of care, because I have the time and opportunity to really know the women I look after, rather than simply being the midwife caring for them on that particular day.

That is where so much of the satisfaction in my work comes from.

It is about providing safe, individual and holistic midwifery care, of course. But it is also about the relationship at the centre of that care.

Being with woman.

Read more here, about My Journey to Becoming a Private Midwife and Why I Started Guided By You Midwifery